I Almost Committed Suicide

Dear Dr, Last week i got a knife to cut something i saw in the papers when it suddenly downed on me that the knife i held was a beautiful solution to all my problems. I held it and caressed it long and hard. I ran my finger along the blade and i felt my heart beating fast. I was excited but my joy fled when i thought of what i'd tell my creator if i wasted this life for which Christ has died. I will be 22 next month(God willing) but i have nothing to look forward to.I finished secondary school when i was 15 and got my first admission shortly after i turned 16 and since then i have known no peace. The first time i went to school i was screened out because my o levels were not complete. I failed some basic subjects and some were withheld.I didn't care much because i was young and thought i could afford to lose a year.The next year same thing happened this time the problem was my results coming in late. Then another time when i got a place my uncle said i should join him abroad and continue my school.So i forfeited my admission.If i give you the details it would take all day.I have been prayed for.I have fasted to no man's business.I wrote the present jamb and got 274 points but the school i chose finished their screening and i didn't know about it.As i write to you now, i have been offered various courses ranging from physics,pharmacy,botany,computer science and info tech,travel and tourism and all these things passed me by while i stood and wept.admission season became crying season.I have been through hell and to think i am a girl. most of my friends have finished their first degrees and are planning to get married.This thing has affected all areas of my life.How can i serve God if i keep thinking He is far from me?.when will i finish school and settle down?How can i even love someone when i see myself now as a no good?Won't this push me to accept someone i might not have considered because of my low self esteem. I am a very ambitious person and i have strong dreams but how can i counter what i cannot even comprehend. if you must publish this.change the details because everybody will know i am the one. I am now known by this problem. Yours sincerely ZNL, Alaba, Lagos Dear ZNI, Suicide will lead anyone to a hell worse than anything they can ever imagine -- for forever. So, thank God you never tried it. Hey-- that -- there's really the simplest solution to problems like this? You say what is it? Okay, before I unveil it, let me tell you how potent it is. Many years ago, a certain student found he had slept off and never wrote his admission exams -- he never knew what happened --just woke up as the invigilator was collecting the scripts and handed over a totally blank paper. He applied what I'll teach you -- and got admitted -- with scholarship. Yes -- its a dire situation-- very likely "e get as e be", but --yes, you are correct -- the solution is in the God of goodness -- you only need to understand a few things. So, call me -- the helplines are active. I want to promise we'll solve this problem and you will actually more than counter what you cannot even comprehend-- as you say; okay? The health angle? Do not commit suicide. That's just a sign that you are depressed and depression is bad-- yes but treatable with medicines and counseling, okay? There is hope -- don't give up.