Too Many Problems @16
Sir,
I do admire the way you help solve people's problems and I pray as you continue helping them, God will also help you in return. I am a girl of sixteen and I have so many problems. I have written to you once without being replied. Also, I have mailed several organizations like Ayodele and some others without being replied. Firstly, I am too fat. I weigh quite up to 75kg if not more. Help me to be slim since too much fat can cause a lot of psychological and physical problems. This fat is accompanied with a big stomach and big ass. Secondly, I sweat too much which leads to body odour especially under the armpit. It is very embarrassing when I am in the midst of my friends. Thirdly, anytime I want to start my menses I undergo pains for the first and second days sometimes till the third day. How can this be stopped? Should I lose my virginity to make it stop or is there another way out? Also, occasionally I undergo heavy breathing. A kind of sore throat comes before it. I end up taking ventolin and chymoral before it can stop. Some doctors diagnosed it as asthma but I strongly disagree with them. So please help me to put a stop to it. Fourthly, when I was small, my house boy used to do some funny things to me as in sexually. I don’t know maybe anything has been damaged. What can I do to prevent any calamity? Even now, I am not sure if my virginity is still intact. Could I have contacted any STD? My private part also itches me at times. What is responsible for this and can it be stopped?
Fifthly, as young as I am, my breasts sag. I am afraid if my future husband should see this, he will think i have given birth or something. What can I do? Sixthly, I have this speech impediment that when I want to talk I end up stammering and making grammatical blunders. Is it because my upper and lower jaw fail to align? What is responsible for this nonalignment because it is disfiguring my face? How can I make it align and also have white teeth? Seventhly, there is this thing that I used to do when I was small. It’s like masturbating. I have tried to do away with it to no avail. How can I stop it and also try to stop sucking my fore and middle fingers? Eighthly, I am emotionally fragile. I fall easily for guys. How can I stop this? There is this guy in my church that I see frequently, anytime I see him, my heart starts beating. I know it is wrong to engage in any relationship, so what do I do?
Doc, my problems are so numerous that I don’t know where to stop. I have tried committing suicide because of these but I know when there is life there is hope. You are my last hope. PLEASE, don’t publish this mail as my e-mail address can be recognized by my parents and friends. You can reply through my e-mail address which is bjk.wdq'eenh'bwhbv@dgghgat
Joycelyn Debolu, Ogbomosho
Dear Joycelyn,
We do not publish people’s e mails or any details to identify them; we change their names and locations. Fat and excessive sweating are linked; once you lose weight, the sweating should go away. Another good thing you can do is see a dermatologist. You’ll find one in the Teaching Hospital; the General Hospitals if large sometimes have one and any Specialist Hospital should parade one. One other thing about sweating--it's a common complaint of many teenagers. It’s nothing to write home about. You'll soon outgrow it. The next problem you mention is important-- LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY IS NOT THE SOLUTION TO PAINFUL MENSES. What's the solution? It is widening of the cervix. The widening of the cervix, not the vagina; I repeat the cervix is different from the vagina. The cervix is at the upper dead-end of the vagina and is the opening, mouth and neck of the womb. Like an inverted bottle, the womb lies at the upper end of the vagina, with its mouth or neck or opening, the cervix, jutting out into the vagina. This cervix, must of necessity widen, during labour, to allow the head of the baby to pass. When this has happened, the cervix has been widened naturally and complaints of pain during menses that have plagued the sufferer since the beginning of her menstrual life. There are ways the doctor can use instrumentation to widen the cervix or cervical opening and it is not sex. Sex only involves the vagina and does not get to the cervix; so IT IS NOT THE LOSING OF YOUR VIRGINITY THAT SOLVES THE PROBLEM; it is the widening of the cervix. There are two types of pain with menses or what we call dysmenorrhea. Primary dysmenorrhea where the pains began from the first day of menses is what you have and what we have sorted out here. Secondary dysmenorrhea, in which the pains began later, not from the very beginning of the menstrual life; that is another kettle of fish; handled in a different way. Okay? The problem of heavy breathing remedied only by chymoral and ventolin is strange. I'll need to see you face to face, examine you, your breathing, your mind and thinking etc, to hazard an opinion on that. The same goes for determining if you have contacted any STD or whether you remain a virgin or not. House-helps tampering sexually with babies in their care is more common than is realized and is the cause of the erroneous belief that homosexuality (for example) is something people were born with. If the house-help were gay or lesbian, and you were very young so you cannot remember the assault, by now you could be gay too and be claiming you were born that way. Vaginal itching can be resolved if you educate yourself about it. You'll find a very good resource in my ‘When Itching Refuses to Stop’ which you can read in my blog, www.mediamedix.blogspot.com . Masturbation, though common among youths can become habit-forming. Together with your other bad habits of finger –sucking a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist will help you. If they fail to help, you can call us and we'll help yous top masturbation as we've done for others. Your stammering and nervousness, again, is not strange and has nothing to do with your jaws as a good dentist will tell you. Whitening of teeth is very available and is routine dental practice now. So go for it. Breast enhancement surgery is available but costs an eye. One of these days you may be able to afford it.
Joycelyn, you may feel as if I am being dismissive of your concerns but the truth is, you do not have any real problems at all; all your fears are normal at the age you are now—almost all teenagers have these body image problems where they feel one part or other of their body or physique or make-up is inadequate; too many teenage gals have serious crushes on various males their age or older. These things are normal. You have done well to speak out; others internalize their woes and then go ahead to commit suicide. Committing suicide is out of the question; it is condemning God the Creator and if successful, ushers the person into unimaginable suffering that will never end. Don’t try it. Get help. Find a good elder person you can say all these to; maybe a teacher, maybe a parent, maybe a counselor, maybe a pastor. They will help you and they will ensure that you see any other person, (maybe a professional) who should help. Call the helplines. We help. Don’t commit suicide. Reach out for help.
